When I log onto this blog it always takes an age to connect through to the page where I write the post. On the tab, next to the whirling circle that is trying to convince me how very hard the wonderful world of web is working on my behalf, it says: Waiting for the great procrastinator. Never fails to make me laugh.
What doesn’t make me laugh is the experience I’ve had twice this week at 6.30 am. Outside the back door, something has given our rubbish a comprehensive going over during the night. The estate agent’s details, when we were buying the house, described the area outside the back door as “the courtyard”. I know from that you are envisaging a beautiful tiled area adorned with tubs of vibrant flowers and perhaps an Italianate water feature. Refer to the photo below to see how wrong you are:
Yes, it is a patchwork of cracked concrete, tiles, mismatched bricks, drains, weeds and dusty old leaves, and we call it “out the back.” It’s not beautiful, I admit, but a liberal layer of mouldering food, bacon fat-coated foil and other items that should really have gone into the recycling bin, does nothing to enhance it. In these circumstances, the only thing even a great procrastinator can do, is ferret around for rubber gloves and then get straight out there with a bin bag to clear it up.
A great job with which to greet the day. Sets you up nicely.
Not sure what is responsible for the mess. Badgers are bothersome round here, and the most likely suspects. However, there have been two malicious looking cats hanging about. The day after the second great trash debacle, we spotted them sitting on the roof above the “courtyard”, looking like a couple of wise guys. I wouldn’t put it past them to have tipped over the bin and wrangled off the sophisticated device we have boncoed together to keep the lid on. (To bonco is the IT Director’s verb meaning to fashion something oneself, instead of just buying the actual item required to do it properly.) Perhaps he will get a word into the dictionary before I come up with anything – see Blogcrastination.
The IT Director is a total techno geek. Techy gadgets are the only things he will buy immediately, without waiting for a boncoed device to fail first. In response to the trash and the evil cats, he’s ordered a spy cam for the “courtyard” to see what is going on out there at night.
Family Reactions to news of the spy cam:
Offspring 1 – “How much did it cost? You could have paid me that much to watch out the back all night.”
Offspring 2 – “You are sad.”
Me – I was slightly creeped out, to be honest. It made me think of that Trinny and Susannah programme where they used to restyle women. I remember an episode where the husband of one of the women nominated her secretly. He hid a camera in their bedroom and they filmed her without her knowledge. I always thought that was bit weird. Imagine the production team having a laugh at her dancing round in her knickers, singing The Power of Love by Jennifer Rush into her hairbrush, or whatever. So, with this in mind, I asked the IT director:
“You are just going to be filming outside aren’t you?”
“Why? Are you worried I might film you and what you get up to all day?” he asked, with alarming insight.
“Err, yes, actually.”
“Well, don’t worry,” he said. “It’s triggered by activity. So, you’ll be fine.”
What can I say? My reputation precedes me.